| My father-in-law, David Shakarian, is a man many would consider to be a business legend. In 1935 he founded the General Nutrition Corporation (GNC). By the 1960's, GNC proliferated throughout the United States and Canada, and today there are over six thousand stores in twenty-six countries. While in my mid-twenties I not only had the privilege of observing my father-in-law's business acumen, but I also became benefactor of his relational genius. He taught me that skills and habits are extremely important in building a successful life and sustaining a life-mission, but in addition, you must also consider the people with whom you are surrounded. His success as a businessman was quite impressive. However, it wasn't his business savvy that continues to influence my life. It was his ability to focus on the key relationships that were needed to support his mission.
David Shakarian's life reflected the wisdom of his favorite ancient proverb that came from the book of Ecclesiastes. "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work". Our relationships in every arena are extremely important to our success. My friend and colleague, Ken Blanchard, puts it this way: "None of us is as smart as all of us." The point? The quality of your life will be in direct proportion to the types of relationships you choose to build. Relationships can help or hinder. They can help you endure the distractions to your success, or they can be distractions.
Here are four relationships that will spur you on in maximizing your potential.
First, you need models that inspire you. Models in life help you to know where you are going. When someone sews a garment they use a pattern. It's easier, saves time, shortens the process, and reduces the number of mistakes. Each one of those benefits for using a pattern can be equally applied to the idea of having models in our lives. There is no need to simply make it up as we go along. Models help us to learn better and at a faster pace than if we take the lonely trail called originality. Find someone who is already where you want to be - financially, spiritually, emotionally, vocationally, relationally - and find out how they did it. You follow an example and then become an example to others. Sometimes it makes sense to take the ‘road well-traveled.'
It's human nature to imitate. As a baby you learn by copying. Your early years were a modeling smorgasbord. The only difference is that as a child you didn't get to choose your models. As an adult, you are able to exercise intentionality - to even re-pattern and reprogram yourself through your choice of indirect models. One of George Patton's models was Alexander the Great. Martin Luther King's model for non-violent resistance was Ghandi. Ghandi's model was Jesus Christ. So models help us to move along more quickly. You also have direct models. Both direct and indirect models accomplish a similar purpose; however, direct models bring the added dimension of personal contact.
Models inspire us. They show us it can be done. They challenge us to dream great dreams, to take risks, to move out of our comfort zones. Models cause us to break through barriers that we thought were impassable. When Roger Banister did the "scientifically" impossible - running the mile under four minutes - within a year, over a dozen others accomplished the same thing. Look at the people who are headed where you are headed and learn from them. One caveat - you will never find a perfect model. But you can choose models that inspire you.
Second, you need mentors that instruct you. A mentor is many things - a trusted friend, a coach, a counselor, a trainer. Mentors are people in your life that bring out the best in you. They keep you growing and on track. They are committed to your goals. They are actively involved in your efforts.
No matter how successful you become, you will always need coaching. Kobe Bryant is a very successful basketball player. Do you think he has a coach? Celine Dion can sing circles around the rest of us. Do you think she has a coach? As a matter of fact, all pros have coaches. That's why they are pros! Successful people who are sharpening their skills have mentors.
One of the reasons we need mentors is because they give us greater perspective. Personally, I'm not smart enough to do all the things I do in my life by myself. I listen to people all the time - to gain wisdom, insight, and ideas. I keep an open mind and an open ear.
Third, you need partners that assist you. You need helpers, co-workers, teammates, and a support group of people who form your network. They are people who share your commitment to a similar life mission. Even Jesus, who was perfect, had 12 partners in his life. He recognized the need for association. You were not meant to go through life fulfilling your goals and objectives by yourself. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. One of the questions you should always ask is, where are my allies? Who are my mutual supporters?
Benjamin Franklin formed a support group long before it was ever popular. He called it, my most ingenious friends group. They met every Friday night for 40 years. Franklin was still accomplishing things in his 80's and 90's, with his greatest inventions coming after he was 70 years old. That was in part due to the fact that he had partners around him that kept him growing.
Thomas Edison had a group that he called, my mastermind alliance. Within a six year period, that group came up with over 300 patented inventions. They were averaging one minor invention every six weeks and one major invention every six months.
You need models that inspire you, mentors that instruct you, and partners that assist you.
Fourth, you need friends that support you. They provide emotional support. True friends walk in when others walk out. They don't abandon you. They stick with you in a crisis. They provide intellectual stimulation. Do your closest friends make you think or do they put you to sleep? Emerson said, "a true friend is one who makes us do what we can do." They stretch you, press you, envelop you, and force you to grow. The point is that you will never rise above the level of your closest friends.
Now, the best way to get friends like that is to be a friend like that. You attract what you are. If you want to be emotionally supported, then you must give emotional support. If you want to be intellectually stimulated, then you must be intellectually stimulating. One supporting friendship is worth 1000 acquaintances.
The other side of the coin is also true. Nothing will sabotage a life mission and personal potential as quickly as the wrong friends. My father-in-law used to put it this way. "If you are climbing up a mountain with other partners, it does matter who your friends are because you are tied to them. You had better have the right kind of friends. On the ground, going nowhere in particular, it really doesn't matter. You are not tied to them. But if you are moving toward a goal, an objective, and your life is at stake, you better know who you are tied to, and make sure you are tied to the right people."
Who are the models inspiring you? Can you identify the mentors that are instructing you? Who are the partners assisting you? Are your closest friends hindering or helping your climb toward your mission? Are they causing you to grow or regress? It's a principle that is the essence of the Universe itself. That which does not expand, contracts.
The quality of your life will be in direct proportion to the types of relationships you choose to build.
Choose well.
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